Funny Tee's

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

BadAss Grilling with ManGrates - Grill the Right Way

As you know grilling is badass. I appreciate people who try to grill, but there's the right way to grill and a wrong way. The best way to ensure that your grilling the right way is with ManGrates. ManGrate's are American-Made, heavy-duty, cast-iron grill grates, that sit directly on top of your regular grill to give you kickass grilling results.

Mangrates grill grates BBQ the right way

These bad boys evenly distribute the heat, get hot as a mother and allow you to sear your steak to keep all the juices in. Pre-heating the grill to 450 and dropping a steak on the grates will get you perfect grill marks, and a beautiful sizzling sound that is music to your ears. As your steak cooks to perfection, the fat and grease drips down into the "gutters" and gets smoked back into your steak giving you phenomenal flavor.  That's the proper way to grill a steak.
how Grill Grates work grilling perfection
This is how you grill
I have had my ManGrates for a year and a half and they are by far the best grill grates I have ever had.  I get perfect grill marks and the best tasting steaks every time.  Even with a POS grill, you can throw these BadAss grates on top and turn it into a steakhouse level grilling machine.  I wouldn't give my grates up for anything.

Perfect grill makes on a steak
Crispy on the outside, warm and bloody on the inside.
ManGrates is running a special  promo for my readers offering them at a discounted price.  If you're interested in grilling badass steaks with kickass grill marks you can get them here: Grill Right.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Real Men Cook With Fire

For all those men in the kitchen - no one likes a B$*@#.  Stop cooking on the stove and become a real man and start cooking on the grill.  Cavemen didn't cook with fire because they didn't have electricity, they did it because it's badass and delicious. Stove food tastes like garbage. You have never seen stoves that look this kickass:

Tell this guy you don't like his BBQ - He'll kill you.
Another hand gun grill - BadAss.
Seriously just a KickAss BBQ grill chopper.
Just look at it. This guy probably rides around the neighborhood grilling the f*$% out of everything. 
Even mother natur knows grilling is bad ass
If you like cooking in a stove or oven, more than you like cooking on a grill, please get the f*$% off of my blog. After you leave take take a candle lit bubble bath and listen to Justin Bieber and check your man card at the door.

Next week i'll show you how to grill the perfect steak with badass grill marks.  This will be steakhouse style with all the manliest gear.

Monday, May 14, 2012

[UPDATE] BadAss Hawk

Ever since my first post on the BadAss Hawk, he has been pissed.  I wanted to follow up with you guys and let you know that he found and killed the Canadian garbage man - turns out he was a Polish camera man.  Here are some shots from before and during the the reckoning:

He always keeps a knife on him.

Unless he's kicking ass.
I can't show you the last picture, it's way to graphic, Google would remove me from the internet.   Hawks are badass creatures, but they're like me and hate bullsh*tters.  Just remember this the next time you go spouting off about something you know nothing about.   

Here is one more epic picture of the hawk kicking ass:

And remember hawks don't just kill deer, they kill whatever the F&*$ they want.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

BadAss Animals Part 2 - Honeybadger [VIDEO]

 WARNING: do not look a honey badger in the eyes or he will turn your ass to stone.
Listen, it's a known fact that honey badger's don't give a f#@%, but did you know they are considered, the "most fearless animal of earth"? I didn't get this information from the Canadian garbage man from my earlier post, BadAss Animals Part1 - BadAss Hawk.  I got this from the Guinness Book of World Records.  Look at this honey badger staring down a lion with NO fear: 
If that were you, your pants would be ruined
The Honey badger is like a Green Beret, it will eat anything to survive.  Sometimes it eats strange sh*t just for fun.  They eat all sorts of stuff like insects, cobras, black mambas, birds, fish, and BABIES.  Yes that's right, BABIES.  Baby crocodiles, wild cats, jackals, foxes and more.  Lets not forget honey, this crazy bastard will go straight into a swarming hive and just start grubbing. I saw this question posed here, "How does the honey badger avoid the dangerous and painful bee stings?" Does this guy think he has a magical force field or something? He doesn't avoid sh*t.  He mans straight through those bees, like the badass honey badger he is and gets that honey.
Get Honey!
So the next time you're stuffing your fat face with pizza roles and drinking ranch dressing, think about the honey badger.  This badass dude doesn't play.  The HB kills and eats stuff that would make you sh*t your pants on a daily bases.  Get off the couch, and take the first step of becoming a badass yourself, read this post and check the bottom graphic. 

This is the first step becoming a badass, you must get this kickass honey badger t-shirt. Click here to purchase.

Honey badgers don't care, and neither should you. Get this shirt, "Honey badger don't care".

I leave you with this kickass montage to the honey badger (CAUTION: this video contains ass kicking of cobras, lions and zebras)

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

If Davy Crockett Was Alive Today

He would start off by punching Justin Bieber in the face.  Then he would re-establish himself as king of the wild frontier by riding a shark, like a badass.

After dominating this shark he would tattoo the guy who tried to do this before him and got his arm bit off.  this is what it would look like:

Now that he has returned to his true greatness he would travel the world making illegitimate children.  Here are a couple of them:



After his world tour he would settle down with his new wife:

If Davy Crockett were alive today...

BadAss Animals Part 2 coming soon.

Friday, May 4, 2012

BadAss Animals Part 1 - BadAss Hawk [VIDEO]

If this isn’t badass, I’m not sure what is.  I hear people asking the question, “Are you a dog person or a cat person?”  I’m a damned hawk with a knife person.  This is the kind of pet that doesn’t let you down.  Even when he’s just sitting there he has a knife!  Seriously though, this hawk doesn’t even need a knife because he has razor sharp talons.  He just carries this thing to let people know he’s a badass that doesn't give a F^$#.  

I'll Cut You!
People obviously don't understand the seriousness of this hawk.  I saw a questioned posed here, "Do hawks kill or hunt deer?"  Of course they do.  How many stupid people live in this world?  In regards to that question, at least six - the guy who asked this question and the other five that answered him with dumb stuff like, "No, a hawk cannot kill a deer" and "Hawks do not prey on deer".  Let's not forget my favorite, "No, hawks don't kill deer, but they might eat one that's already dead" - this jackass listed his sources as, "Observation in the natural world".  This guy is probably a garbage man from Canada and doesn't know know his assh*le from a hole in the ground.  Hawks are not bottom feeding vultures, they are badass killing machines.

After I saw these ridiculous responses, I talked to the hawk.  He was pissed and asked me to film him kicking ass.  This is the result:  

Please think before you speak people.

Stay tuned for BadAss Animals part 2 where we talk about one bad mother F&*$#er

Friday, April 27, 2012

Teddy Roosevelt Was a Badass Pirate

Theodore Roosevelt is a pirate.  I only say this because pirates are so badass and manly and Teddy has done everything that is badass and manly.  Not only was Teddy the president of the United States of America but he was also a police commissioner, cattle rancher, deputy sheriff, governor of New York, assistant secretary of the Navy, and a war hero.  Still not convinced?  

This guy fights tigers and wins!

Teddy formed the original Rough Riders. That's right - i'm not talking about some two bit rap group either.  He stayed strapped, Teddy walked around the white house with a pistol on him at all times.  I'm assuming he did this for two reasons: 

1. It's exhausting kicking so much ass all the time, as a black belt in jujitsu and champion boxer,  sometimes its easier to just pop one off. 
2. The pirate factor.  All high ranking  pirates carry a pistol at all times - FACT.

Roosevelt was responsible for creating the national park service and he kept a lion and bear as pets at the White house.  This guys is one badass mother f#$%^@ - he delivered a campaign speech after being shot minutes before!  Some crybaby cavalrymen sent Roosevelt a letter complaining about riding 25 miles a day for training.  Teddy said F- this and road 100 miles from sun up to sun down at 51 years of age, just show this guy what a wimp he was. 

This is what you would have to do, become 5% the man Theodore Roosevelt:

Translated in Spanish so other countries can see how badass Teddy is:

Theodore Roosevelt es un pirata. Sólo digo esto porque los piratas son tan rudoy varonil y Teddy ha hecho todo lo que es rudo y varonil. No sólo fue a Teddy desde el presidente de los Estados Unidos de América, pero también era un comisario de policía, ganadero, ayudante del sheriff, gobernador de Nueva York,subsecretario de la Marina, y un héroe de guerra. Todavía no está convencido?

Este hombre lucha contra los tigres y gana!

Teddy formaron los Rough Riders originales. Así es - no estoy hablando de ungrupo de rap de dos bits tampoco. Se quedó atado, Teddy entró en la casablanca con una pistola sobre él en todo momento. Estoy asumiendo que lo hizopor dos razones:

1. Es agotador tanto patear culo todo el tiempo, como un cinturón negro en jiu-jitsu y campeón de boxeo, a veces es más fácil a un solo desprenderá.
2. El factor de pirata. Todos los piratas de alto rango portar una pistola en todo momento - HECHO.

Roosevelt fue el responsable de la creación del Servicio de Parques Nacionalesy seguía un león y un oso como mascota en la Casa Blanca. Este chico es una madre rudo f # $% ^ @ - pronunció un discurso de campaña después de haber sido minutos antes del disparo! Algunos soldados de caballería enviado crybabyRoosevelt una carta quejándose de montar a caballo 25 kilómetros al día para la formación. Teddy dijo F-este y la carretera 100 millas de sol a sol, a los 51 años de edad, acaba de mostrar este tipo lo que es un cobarde que estaba siendo.

Esto es lo que tendría que hacer, se convierten en un 5% el hombre de Theodore Roosevelt.
French:Theodore Roosevelt est un pirate. Je ne dis cela parce que les pirates sont tellement dur à cuire et viril et Teddy a fait tout ce qui est dur à cuire et viril. Non seulement c'était Teddy le président des États-Unis d'Amérique, mais il était aussi un commissaire de police, éleveur de bétail, un shérif adjoint, gouverneur de New York, le secrétaire adjoint de la Marine, et un héros de guerre. Toujours pas convaincu?  

Ce gars se bat tigres et des victoires!

Teddy formé des Riders originaux bruts.  C'est vrai - je ne parle pas un groupe de rap à deux bits soit. Il est resté attaché, Teddy marchait autour de la maison blanche avec un pistolet sur ​​lui en tout temps. Je suppose qu'il a fait cela pour deux raisons: 

1. C'est épuisant coups de pied tellement le cul tout le temps, comme une ceinture noire en jiu-jitsu et champion de boxe, parfois il est plus facile à un seul pop off. 
2. Le facteur de pirate. Tous les pirates de haut rang porter un pistolet à tout moment - FAIT.

Roosevelt était responsable de la création du service de parc national et il a gardé un lion et l'ours comme animal de compagnie à la Maison Blanche. Ce gars est un dur à cuire mère f # $% ^ @ - il a prononcé un discours de campagne après avoir été prises avant minutes!Certains cavaliers pleurnicharde envoyé une lettre de Roosevelt se plaindre à cheval 25 miles par jour de formation. Teddy a dit F-ce et de la route 100 miles de soleil jusqu'au soleil vers le bas à 51 ans, vient de montrer ce que ce gars-là une mauviette, il était. 

C'est ce que vous avez à faire, devenir l'homme de 5%  Theodore Roosevelt